Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Malaria Pills and Side Effects

As I pick up the malaria pills, the nurse and I have a discussion of possible side effects of the various options. I choose the one that does NOT induce hallucinogenic dreams; no sense in having more of those than usual. But this leads me to believe that ALL medications should come with a choice of side effects. Bean-O, for example, should not just impede flatulence; why not have it also produce Cialis/Viagra-like effects? That way, your enjoyment is doubled, and there are no embarrassing moments when you're sitting in the side-by-side hot tubs on the lawn, as you're apparently expected to do when taking Cialis.
I think the same principle of patient choice should also apply to the method of ingesting. Maybe I don't want the elephant pill stuck in my throat, nor, God forbid, introduced as a suppository. Why shouldn't I have the right to demand an injection, or perhaps absorb the medication through some sort of Edgar Cayce, subliminal, stick the pill under my pillow means? Same rule applies to timing. It's not sufficient to be told to take the pill after a meal. I want the label to say, "Take after a heavy meal of roast suckling lamb and several bottles of red wine."
Medicine should be not just efficacious, but also pleasant. The people who conduct prostate exams should think more about this. These are the kinds of things I think about during class breaks.

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